Have you ever sat down and wondered how much power you gave out?

How it never really works? You know you love passionately but it just does not work out?

You find dating to be hard-work, too involving and too draining? Yes, us too”.

You want to know more? Then let’s journey together.

Dating, forming intimate connections is a struggle in this modern age.

Do not get me wrong, I have not experienced anything outside this age.

But I just feel like there are too many rules governing the dating phenomenon; do not text first, do not be emotional, never be vulnerable, ghost them and pretend you are cold-hearted.

We are governed by rules made by people who never completely healed.

We focus on the surface without paying attention to the root-cause of the problem.

Every problem we face in life be it in career, academia, relationships and or family, has a root cause.

Sometimes we are not aware of this cause, but most times, we are ignorant.

So, we look for ‘one-day’ solutions to problems we’ve experienced our whole lives.

We keep forming these ‘one-day’ solutions, till healing feels like a struggle between you and you.

How about we switch it up and look into the actual cause?

We fail to find the cause, not only because we do not know how to, but we are scared of what we will find.

A part of us know exactly where the cause is, but to unveil it means re-living some scenes we do not have the courage for.

I am a woman, I will speak only from this perspective.

As women, by nature we are emotional beings, we love to love, caring for others comes as second nature, we are happy when others are happy and we love to be loved.

Make peace with this.

We are emotional and there is nothing wrong with that. But the world has made being emotional as a weakness.

So we start to form these walls and guards. We want to look intimidating, independent and cold-hearted.

One time those walls are bound to collapse.

I heard somewhere that, at times it is good to form bridges than it is to form barriers.

What are bridges and what are barriers?

Bridges link two separate entities whilst barriers does the opposite, they obstruct.

In essence, it is okay to be vulnerable and to let others know about your scars.

Being cooked up in those high-walls will only lead to our own demise and break-downs.

It is okay to not be okay and to let others know about this.

Talking about walls. Why have we built these walls? When did it start?

People constantly claim that the walls are protecting them from other people’s actions and second-hand emotional roller-coasters.

In true sense, the walls are protecting people from you.

You know you easily fall, you easily attach and you are afraid of how the other person will react to that.

So the walls hide those traits and create a whole other persona for the world to see.

Walls have a specific root cause. We will only look into one.

The one which is common amongst a large percentage of women; our inner child.

The psychological/ emotional problems we face as young adults, old adults is linked our inner child.

“The stage on which this inner child is stuck on, will determine how you read and relate to people”.

If you did not receive open affections, love and appreciation at a young age, you are most likely going to live your life seeking validation from others.

In relationships, you will interpret attention, control and words of affirmation as love.

If the other party is able to provide all which you seek, the inner child becomes addicted.

It tries to fill in the gaps that were left empty.

This addiction makes us clingy, possessive and sensitive to our partners’ actions.

What they do affects our whole being, our mood depends on them.

Now that we have at least tried to highlight the root cause.

What is left for us to do is to accept that we are lacking in some departments.

And that is okay.

Understanding that it is not anyone’s fault nor your own is the first step into finding yourself.

You will continue to seek external validation until you breath your last breathe.

Up until you learn to love the inner child in you, you will continue to destroy beautiful relations.

Finding your inner child does not just mean seating down and meditating.

It means taking time to understand and accept yourself.

‘You’re beautiful’ ‘you’re amazing’ ‘your character is unique’ ‘you’re fun and it is a bliss to be around you’

Let your inner child feel loved by you.

Find her.

Only then can you relate and form concrete relations with others.